One sunny family day, a young boy eagerly asked his parents to take him to the circus. The family, always looking for ways to bond and create lasting memories, agreed with smiles all around.
The boy was thrilled, as he had grown tired of the usual zoo visits. The circus, with its promise of unique and fascinating characters, ignited his curiosity.
“It’s showtime!” the ringmaster shouts, announcing the start of the show. The family applauds, giggling and excited, while the boy clutches his parents’ arms, saying, “Finally, I get to see these weird creatures.”
The show opens with a spectacular production featuring the triple-breasted lady, conjoined bawling-eyed twins, a long-legged giant, and a rabbit-like magician. The boy is in awe, his eyes wide with excitement. He’s never felt like this before.
Suddenly, a mermaid with eerie green features slithers onto the stage, MRS TAN, as what they call her captivates the audience. She transports them to her world, a mysterious realm of wild and uncharted waters.
FISH OUT OF WATER
The kid is amazed. He had never seen a mermaid before, but he was captivated by its fish-like yet human appearance. Then, the crowd became noisy, like a busy market with people talking here and there, clearly unsatisfied. “It’s just a fish and it doesn’t do anything like the others,” someone shouted. The kid was puzzled, his eyebrows furrowed as he took in this information.
Little do they know that MRS TAN has a deeply resonant story from her uncharted waters, a horrifyingly wicked tale far surpassing the mermaid man’s perception. She exists because of the stories they are about to hear, stories that have never been unearthed from the ocean depths, marking a commemoration of things they can revisit. MRS TAN opens up, she’s here for those who want to listen to stories and those who want to revisit parts of their life.
She then opens her mouth with purpose, ready to serenade, but the audience absorbs it like water fished out from a net, they get nothing. They seemed like they did not care, they did not like the mermaid man. MRS TAN, who experiences disgust and hatred simply from how she gets perceived and the way she dresses, expresses her feelings intensely. “Sometimes, you just want to express yourself and dress because you feel good about who you are, but derogatory remarks arise every time there are passersby.”
Still livid, the fish out of the water still tried to show more about herself, despite the derogatory remarks thrown upon her. It’s truly a place where it’s hard to find love. With a deep and sad resounding voice she adds, ”Kahit yung tingin pa lang, yung tingin pa lang na manliliit ka dun sa mga tingin nila. Minsan kasi, hindi lang yung words yung nakakasakit eh, kahit yung tingin.” This caused her to be perceived as a circus siren solely, conceived for entertainment, tolerated but not accepted as who she is.
CIRCUS SIREN
Within those gazes stung like a bee, something that resonated for a long time. Often perceived for what they can offer rather than what they stand for and the stories they tell, they are consumed as mere entertainment entities. What she does on the other hand is a prideful moment of living her truth, something many people still don’t understand. With assertion, MRS TAN says she exists because she knows Pride is a celebration of diverse identities unashamed to show who they are and to love whom they want to love. That entirely anchors her to what she does on stage, a pride of momentarily living her truth way beyond the corners of the stage.
What she does, touches places way beyond circus, “hindi na lang siya nakakulong sa apat na sulok, o kung hexagonal man ‘yan, anim na sulok, mga ganoong bagay”. But amidst everything laid out on the mats, their welfare seemed to be disproportionately unjust. Laughter and appreciation don’t go a long way compared to the proper consideration financially laid out for them. “Magta-tumbling yung mga bakla sa second floor. Tapos babagsak… tapos walang insurance, ‘di ba? As Queer Artists, they need to be protected as well”. If people truly cared about their welfare, they too would stand up for a better cause for the Circus Sirens.
A TIME TO STAND
In every performance, protection is essential, whether for circus performers, Mrs. Tan’s mermaid-like coworkers, or anyone else. One effective way to prevent random objects from being thrown is by providing provisions that safeguard these individuals. Having experienced doing such things, “Kasi, there was a time before ako mag-focus sa drag ko, gumagawa ng advocacy work, nagpapasa sa Senate ng SOGIE Equality Bill, kasakasama kami”. But it seemed like they were ignored intentionally, they don’t know that time is the ultimate nemesis for these performers.”Dedma sila. As in, dedma sila. Like, parang, ilang beses kasi nila dinelay eh. Ilang beses nila dinedelay yung batas, sa totoo lang.”
With valid frustration, she quips how she must set an example for the younger generations. “Parang, kung hindi ako lalaban. Ano yun? Kapag yung susunod na generation, ganun din yung maaasahan.” Understanding the complexities of it all, it’s time to stand up to the uncharted waters she’s been in and walk those streets, something new to her.
PART OF THIS WORLD
She walks down the aisle, with gazes from left and right, realizing that maybe she’s accepted now that they see her as one of them. However, to truly be part of this world, she envisions a safe space, MRS TAN describes it as, “Walang takot. Walang takot magpakita kung sino ka. Suotin kung anong gusto mong suotin. Kasama yung mga gusto mo na kasama. Kasi may mga spaces na papasok tayo– yung matatakot ka na parang, sh*t, baka hindi ako mapapasok kasi ganito yung suot ko or kasi ganito ko”.
The once-seen poor unfortunate soul from the eyes of many, who has been subjected to qualms and outright disgust sees this opportunity to pinpoint how a queer safe space could mean you belong in that world. MRS TAN shares “Ang isang queer safe space ay isang space na walang takot na i-recognize at i-celebrate yung identity ng bawat isa.”
The booing stopped, and the noise died down. All eyes are on the mermaid as she continues to siren them, a moment in time where everything comes together. Her stories resonated with many, “I am a Supreme of my Own” she said, and you could see the crowd’s eyes lit up, “Kaya ko naman maging Drag Supreme of my own” she added.
Being perceived is one thing, but being judged is another story. Ultimately, living a circus-like life only assures Mrs. Tan that her existence is humanizing—it can be felt and seen. Beyond the entertainment she provides, her stories culminate in what makes her who she is. “Given the chance that I will be seen by the universe or the galaxy rather, I would like to be seen as a human being. A human being that tells stories and has stories to tell.”
The kid who asked to go to the circus now feels a little sad, his face frowning as he realizes the show is coming to an end. He’s leaving with a significant realization in his heart: these ‘weird creatures,’ as he calls them, do more than just entertain—they touch the hearts of many. MRS TAN, the mermaid man, serenades people with her voice and presence, reminding them that there’s a human behind the art. She belts out her presence, not just a serenade, [I’m] a human being, nagmamahal, nasasaktan, natatakot, umiiyak, tumatawa. Tao. Kasi despite all this, kahit mukha akong baklang alien, at the end of the day, tao pa rin yung gumagawa nito.
To be more updated with Zeen and their Pride Cover Issue featuring Eva Le Queen, M1ss Jade So, and Mrs. Tan, follow our social media accounts @zeenmagazineph. You can also listen to The Zeen Zone on Spotify and YouTube for their slayful alien, out-of-this-world interview.
Credits:
The Zeen Team
Creative Head and Editor-in-Chief | Mark Ghosn
Photography | Ennuh Tiu
Graphic Artist | Ricardow
Asst. Creative Director | Earl Taruc
Videography | ProdAxia, Zarah Majam
Digital Content Producer | Thea Salvador
Editorial Assistant | Earl Taruc, Ristichen
Sales Executive | Anne Magtoto
Social Media Manager | Mhan Gabriel Ramos
Wardrobe and Styling
MRS TAN
Garment | Job Dacon (@jobdacon)
Styling | MRS TAN x RHYION (@heymrstan) (rhy1on)
Wig | Wigstar (@wigstarph)
Wig Styling | JC Abad (@jcoursedomination)
Face | Kave Aesthetics (@kaveaesthetics )
Location | Studio Simula
IN SUPPORT OF LOVEYOURSELFPH – a community of volunteers that aim to reach out to others to propagate ideas, attitudes, and practices that encourage loving oneself — to DARE to be oneself, to CARE for oneself, and to SHARE oneself as a way to multiply joy.
